


I Wasn't Made For You

by junakabisque



Category: Alice Nine
Genre: M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-24
Updated: 2013-06-24
Packaged: 2018-01-03 02:02:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1064385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junakabisque/pseuds/junakabisque
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I regretted making you cry and letting you choose someone else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Wasn't Made For You

**Author's Note:**

> Credit to neu_wings@LJ for beta-reading. Inspired by a song by Rossa, [Aku Bukan Untukmu](http://www.mediafire.com/?jmyozyjj3jq).

Four days before the 24th of June...

It feels like yesterday when we celebrated your last birthday. Everybody wished you a happy birthday, but your eyes were only on me, probably expecting me to do the same. Of course, I did the same as the others did. However, you expected more. Then, when the party ended and we were left alone, you timidly approached me.

“Do you want to know what I wished for?” you asked me back then.

I shook my head slowly, mostly because I respected your privacy. Wishes aren’t supposed to be said aloud, are they? The charm would disappear if we did so, some people said. Nevertheless, ignoring my reaction, I saw you gathering your courage and confidence and then the words just slipped out.

“I wished for you to fall for me...I love you, Tora-shi.”

I couldn’t recall what I said to you that time, but I remember your tear-streaked face. It was the saddest thing I’ve ever seen in my 32 years of life. I heard your response to my rejection—yes, rejection; I did reject you that time—and it was the first time I felt like my heart had shattered into pieces.

“Of course...,” I saw you wipe your tears away, “We aren’t made for each other, are we? I can understand, Tora-shi.”  
“I’m sorry...” I heard myself apologise to you.  
“No,” you shook your head, “Don’t apologise. I can accept it.”

Then, you smiled. The most heart-breaking smile I’ve ever seen...and I’m the cause of that smile that spread across your gorgeous face.

~*~

Almost a year has passed since your last birthday. Now, you’ll get older yet again in four days. 3 months after the last 24th of June, I heard news about you getting together with our own vocalist. My heart broke once again. Why did I feel pained in the first place? I’ve rejected you; I’ve said I didn’t harbour the same feelings towards you, so why did my heart bleed?

Then I realised...

_I regretted making you cry and letting you choose someone else._

When my feelings towards you began to grow, that ugly truth slapped me across the face. I could only silently beg for your forgiveness, not brave enough to put hope in you for falling for me once again. I’m such a coward, am I not?

***

The 24th of June...

Our band mates have, of course, planned a birthday party for you again. We’re all waiting for your arrival in the studio now. Shou, unexpectedly, looks gloomy. I wonder what’s happened between you and him. I decide to shrug it off, staring down at the birthday gift I bought for you last night. It was a shawl. A red one. I always love seeing you wearing shawls. I’ve folded and placed it neatly inside a medium-size cardboard box. At one corner of the studio, a birthday cake has been well served in a cart. From the corner of my eye, I take a glance of Nao who seems like he’s drooling over the cake. I chuckle lightly at the sight. Hiroto stands beside him, sharing some stories about his last trip to Kyoto with our drummer.

Then, the door cracks open...

Everything happens in a flash. Next thing I know, our band mates and the crew have surrounded you. I stay in my spot, waiting for a perfect chance to give my birthday gift to you. They begin cheering, singing the birthday song together, chattering happily, but your eyes are on me...just like on your last birthday.

It seems like a déjà vu. We end up being left alone again. Where did Shou go, anyway? Isn’t he supposed to be by your side? He’s your boyfriend, after all. Nevertheless, it’s only the two of us in the studio, sitting next to each other. What should I say?

“Don’t you feel familiar with this situation?” I hear you suddenly saying something to me.  
“Unh...” I hum in response.  
“How have you been?”  
“Uh?”  
“Ever since that day, we drifted apart. We don’t share stories or jokes anymore, we don’t confide in each other anymore. Why did we become like this, Tora-shi?”  
“...Because I love you.”

In other case, my answer would cause a different effect, but not in our case. I see tears start flowing rapidly on your cheeks.

“Since when?” you ask me.  
“...Forever.”  
“But you rejected me.”  
“I regretted it right away.”

I see you break into sobs, but I’m not brave enough to comfort you in my arms. Then, you do something to distract yourself. I see you open the birthday gift from me, I hear you gasp in surprise.

“I love it...Can I wear it now?”  
“Sure.”

Without being asked, I help you circling the red shawl around your neck.

“How have you been yourself?”  
“Do you want to hear the truth or lie?”  
“The truth.”  
“I’ve been unhappy.”  
“Why?”  
“I don’t love him, for God’s sake...” you sob louder.

With the hem of your new shawl, I wipe your tears away.

“But he loves you. It’s your destiny. Don’t deny it. It has to be the best for you.”  
“Screw destiny...”  
“I wasn’t made for you, Saga-chan...”  
“Fuck that too...”  
“Hush...” I press a finger onto your lips, “such a foul mouth...Where has my sweet Saga-chan gone?”  
“He died when you broke his heart.”  
“Why didn’t you move on?”  
“Like you did it yourself...”  
“Since when have you become sarcastic?”  
“Since you left me with my heart bleeding, assho—!”

Before you can finish your sentence, I quickly silence you with my lips. I feel you struggle at first, but then you give in. I sense your need to deepen our first kiss, but I immediately pull away.

“Don’t remember me anymore, Saga-chan...I wasn’t made for you.”  
“And how could I possibly do that?!” you cry harder.  
“Even if I dropped onto my knees in front of you and begged you to give your broken heart to me so that I could mend it, please...don’t leave him for me.”  
“Too late...” you sob again, “I’ve asked him to quit me last night. We’re over.”

So that’s why Shou looks like shit today.

“And why did you do that?”  
“...Because I love you,” you throw my words back to me.

I am tongue-tied. I can’t think of anything to say as a response. My head lowers on its own accord.

“Why did we become like this, Saga-chan?” I hear myself say.  
“Don’t ask me.”

Silence falls between us, for a few seconds giving us some peaceful moment. Until I gather my courage and lift my face up to stare at yours once again.

“Can we repeat it?”  
“And what’s good in that if in the end you just end up rejecting me again?”  
“I won’t repeat the same mistake,” I take your hand, holding it tightly.  
“Will you regret it again?”  
“No...Because I know I’ll do the right thing this time.”  
“...Do you want to know what I wished for?”

This time, I nod.

“I wished for you to fall for me...I love you, _Torashii_.”

I can’t hide my smile when I notice the slight difference in how you said my name just now.

“Your wish has been granted. I love you, _Sagacchi_...”

I’m no longer hesitant to embrace you now. I naturally wrap my arms around you and yours circle around my neck. You’re still crying beside my ear, but I know it’s a cry of joy this time.

“A year, Torashii...It took you a year to say the words I’ve been wanting to hear from you.”  
“I’m sorry...I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

I tighten my embrace, feeling you shower my face with kisses. Then, our eyes meet. Instinctively, you close your eyes...and I’m afraid no more to press our lips together. Our second kiss is as innocent as the first one was. We pull away at the same time, pressing our foreheads together. You smile and that’s when I realise that I haven’t seen your smile ever since I rejected you exactly one year ago. Nothing else could make me happier now.

“This is the best birthday gift I’ve received this year. Thank you so much, Shinji...”  
“Anything for you, Takashi...Happy birthday.”

Then, I capture your lips with mine again, engaging us in an endless kiss.

****

-The End-

**Author's Note:**

> Find this story also [on LiveJournal](http://junakabisque.livejournal.com/8348.html).


End file.
